This just in! We have breaking news about McCain's hitherto glowing VP pick.
After using a Sinatrameter, it has been determined that Sarah Palin has fallen quite short of the levels of awesomeness that Republicans have expected her to reach. Palin, a longtime supporter of those who believe in a mysterious sky-ruler with the unusual moniker of "God" and a strong opposer of giving choices to women who have been raped and don't want to keep the child, has only registered 5 "fonzies" on the cool-measuring device, far below her expected 75-80 cool units.
Palin has yet to comment on the issue, but analysts are quickly coming to a consensus that they will soon need to begin talking about something other than pitbulls with lipstick and the moral imperative of opposing bridges to nowhere. Quoted in the Associated Press, Obama campaign manager David Plouffe commented, "I was hating Sarah Palin before it was cool."
Palin, a mother of 5 who enjoys killing anything that doesn't belong to the species homo sapiens, was recently chosen to be the Republican candidate for Vice President, joining the McCain ticket for the White House. McCain, whose talents include awkwardly pointing and looking confused during Palin's speeches, has labeled his running-mate his "soulmate" and often employs the use of folders or other large objects to hide the massive erection he experiences after casting split-second glances at her ass at every opportunity.
The undecided voters can look forward to at least a week's worth of commentary on the issue of Sarah Palin's stunning lameness, or they would be looking forward to it if they weren't busy filming amateur spinoffs of Jackass or engaging in wars of cow-tipping with each other.
Following the clusterfuck that was generously labeled the Democratic and Republican National Conventions, McCain has achieved an inexplicable 5-point lead over Obama in the national polls. Polling data suggests that Republicans have given up on their dream that the United States of America will be their party's nominee for the 2008 election, even though ritualistic chanting at the Convention suggested otherwise. McCain's biggest concern is that he will lose the "Country First" base, who mistakenly cast their Convention votes for McCain on the basis of his slogan's suggestion that he would step down in favor of the far more popular "America-Palin" ticket.
Coincidentally, the APA reported this week that new data suggests that the vast majority of Americans are susceptible to a threat that has been growing ever since the 2000 election. Calling it the "believe-everything-you-fucking-hear" syndrome, the psychologists' union has been increasingly concerned about the phenomenon ever since the Republicans suggested in 2000 that Al Gore had a time machine which allowed him to travel back twenty-five years, kill all the ARPANET developers, and claim sole credit for the development of the Internet. In the same speech, then-candidate George W. Bush also suggested that the elderly Al Gore of 2015 gave the time machine to young Biff--er, Osama bin Laden, who used his futuristic knowledge of the solid quality of planes to travel back and commit the terrorist attacks of September 11th. When President Bush was recently asked how he knew the attacks of 2001 would occur when he was first launching his campaign for the White House, he replied, "Look, I didn't force Al Gore to become a terrorist...that was the Democratic Party's responsibility."
In a parellel story, Palin has recently taken to suggesting that Barack Obama is responsible for the recent trend the Earth has periodically taken towards darkness, a phenomenon scientists have taken to calling "night". Obama, Palin claims, is using this 10-12 hour period of non-lightedness to ferry in terrorists from the Middle East, who will then aid him in his presidential bid by casting their votes in key red states. In a recent speech before the Conglomerated Brainless Masses of the Confederate States of America, she also claimed that McCain will be instrumental in ensuring that the terrorists only attack America during the daytime, when the American people will have the ability to watch their well-coordinated, well-lit strikes as well as McCain's complete failure to competently prevent them.
Palin, to her credit, has performed stunningly in the responses she has delivered to every question asked. Granted, the only question was posed by Lou Dobbs, who queried, "Don't them wetbacks just roast your goose?" Palin's response, while sticking loyally to party lines, pleased exactly 100% of her simple-minded supporters.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Devolution
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2008/07/30/andrea-mitchell-debunks-mccains-attack-ads-on-obamas-european-trip/
May Andrea Mitchell drink the blood of every Iraqi man, woman, and child!
Just kidding. But she's on point, and to me, seeing this kind of journalistic courage and integrity is wonderful. And she's right to do it. The debate in this country has devolved into a contest where no one's even trying to hide the mudslinging. Remember Bush and Kerry? At least Bush attacked Kerry's record.
McCain's strategy seems to involve surrounding the public image of Obama with hundreds of straw men and systematically pointing at each and every one of them, as if he's preaching the fucking gospel. He's too popular? He didn't visit the troops in the hospital? The newest McCain ad tries to suggest that Obama blew off a visit to wounded soldiers in order to play basketball and go to the gym -- except the clip McCain used was of Obama playing basketball with the troops. The footage was even provided by the Department of Defense. Somewhere, Karl Rove is laughing his ass off.
The reason I'm kissing Mitchell's ass (for the moment) is that she's doing what so few reporters are willing to do these days, because it gets them marginalized and ridiculed by the mainstream: she's saying what she really thinks and sticking up for a man who she knows is being wronged. Matt Taibbi, the greatest reporter you've never heard of unless you read Rolling Stone or watch Real Time with Bill Maher, shot the bull right between the eyes when he said in an interview,
"That's the thing that really annoys me about the media, you know, McCain gets a bus and he paints "Straight Talk Express" on the side of it, and five minutes later every reporter in the country is like, 'He's a straight talker!' You know? I mean, you can send any shit up the flagpole and all these reporters will fucking salute."
And that really is the problem, plain and simple. We have a culture of saluting, of conformity, just like America under McCarthyism. The Murrows, Rathers, and Brokaws are missing, and in their place we have a culture of punditry. While it serves mainly to entertain, the sheer amount of pundits on the air today, no matter how noble or scummy they might be, tend to (by their simple existence) blur the lines between real, objective journalism and casual, opinionated conversation. The standard-bearers have fallen.
But this is not to say that all pundits are trash. The message here is that we used to have anchors who the vast majority of Americans would turn to in order to give them the facts. When Woodward and Bernstein exposed the systematic corruption of the Nixon Administration, there wasn't a debate about whether or not it was significant. Nixon resigned.
But now our President has taken on the status of a made man, an untouchable. In terms of the sort of information it revealed, the outing of Valerie Plame was much the same as Watergate - the crime was perpetrated by a collaborative effort of nearly every key member of the Administration, and all were complicit in its execution. Yet somehow, once the story passed through the machine of punditry, it came out on the other side as a non-issue.
Where are the Howard Beales of our society? Where is the passion for holding this country to the standards that made it so great? According to almost every metric that exists, America is falling.
Welcome to the monkey house, folks. We're mad as hell, and based on recent polling data, we're prepared to take it.
"It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is first, you have to get mad!"
- Howard Beale as portrayed by Peter Finch in Network
May Andrea Mitchell drink the blood of every Iraqi man, woman, and child!
Just kidding. But she's on point, and to me, seeing this kind of journalistic courage and integrity is wonderful. And she's right to do it. The debate in this country has devolved into a contest where no one's even trying to hide the mudslinging. Remember Bush and Kerry? At least Bush attacked Kerry's record.
McCain's strategy seems to involve surrounding the public image of Obama with hundreds of straw men and systematically pointing at each and every one of them, as if he's preaching the fucking gospel. He's too popular? He didn't visit the troops in the hospital? The newest McCain ad tries to suggest that Obama blew off a visit to wounded soldiers in order to play basketball and go to the gym -- except the clip McCain used was of Obama playing basketball with the troops. The footage was even provided by the Department of Defense. Somewhere, Karl Rove is laughing his ass off.
The reason I'm kissing Mitchell's ass (for the moment) is that she's doing what so few reporters are willing to do these days, because it gets them marginalized and ridiculed by the mainstream: she's saying what she really thinks and sticking up for a man who she knows is being wronged. Matt Taibbi, the greatest reporter you've never heard of unless you read Rolling Stone or watch Real Time with Bill Maher, shot the bull right between the eyes when he said in an interview,
"That's the thing that really annoys me about the media, you know, McCain gets a bus and he paints "Straight Talk Express" on the side of it, and five minutes later every reporter in the country is like, 'He's a straight talker!' You know? I mean, you can send any shit up the flagpole and all these reporters will fucking salute."
And that really is the problem, plain and simple. We have a culture of saluting, of conformity, just like America under McCarthyism. The Murrows, Rathers, and Brokaws are missing, and in their place we have a culture of punditry. While it serves mainly to entertain, the sheer amount of pundits on the air today, no matter how noble or scummy they might be, tend to (by their simple existence) blur the lines between real, objective journalism and casual, opinionated conversation. The standard-bearers have fallen.
But this is not to say that all pundits are trash. The message here is that we used to have anchors who the vast majority of Americans would turn to in order to give them the facts. When Woodward and Bernstein exposed the systematic corruption of the Nixon Administration, there wasn't a debate about whether or not it was significant. Nixon resigned.
But now our President has taken on the status of a made man, an untouchable. In terms of the sort of information it revealed, the outing of Valerie Plame was much the same as Watergate - the crime was perpetrated by a collaborative effort of nearly every key member of the Administration, and all were complicit in its execution. Yet somehow, once the story passed through the machine of punditry, it came out on the other side as a non-issue.
Where are the Howard Beales of our society? Where is the passion for holding this country to the standards that made it so great? According to almost every metric that exists, America is falling.
Welcome to the monkey house, folks. We're mad as hell, and based on recent polling data, we're prepared to take it.
"It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is first, you have to get mad!"
- Howard Beale as portrayed by Peter Finch in Network
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Disconnect
There really aren't any words that would do these two quotes justice. It's better to let them speak for themselves:
From the Chicago Tribune, 7/28/08:
"A study by the Center for Media and Public Affairs at George Mason University, which conservatives have always regarded as sympathetic, says the three broadcast networks have been more critical of Obama than of John McCain in their recent news coverage. Most of what the networks air is neutral, according to the study. But when reporters offer opinions, 72 percent of those about Obama are negative--compared to 57 percent for McCain."
From Gallup.com (conductors of the gold-standard Gallup Poll):
"The heavy coverage of the trip may have fueled speculation (or reinforced pre-existing attitudes) about news media bias in Obama's favor. A separate set of questions in the weekend poll asked Americans about their views of the news media's coverage of the two major-party candidates. Americans are more than twice as likely to say media coverage of Obama is unfairly positive as to say it is unfairly negative. For McCain, the opposite is true, with many more seeing coverage of him as unfairly negative than as unfairly positive."
The truth is, we haven't yet found a way to get the American people to base their opinions on facts, studies, legitimate proven methods. The media itself admits to having an anti-Obama bias, and yet people are convinced that McCain is getting the short end of the stick here.
The problem is quite obviously that sound bites work better than explanations. When Hannity and O'Reilly go on their radio shows and say "anti-McCain bias" sixty-four thousand times per show, it tends to sink in. Marketing officials do it the same way: it doesn't matter if the association you have in your mind with the product is bad, as long as when you walk into the supermarket there's a vague, subconscious familiarity with their product instead of their competitors.
The American people are now receiving the "vague, subconscious" treatment with McCain. Very few people could tell you his positions on any issue (beyond that he's PRO-WAR!!! GET SOME!!!), because the godawful truth is that he lacks any constant position on any issue. McCain is a true politician of the most American stripe -- no opinions except what the opinion polls indicate.
But there's a fatalist phenomenon in this country. If you're a McCain supporter and you have the unusual quality of being physically capable of hearing the criticisms against him and weighing them, you'll almost immediately realize the absurdity of his campaign. However, the response is most often, "Well, Obama is no better."
This is not a prObama piece. Obama was not my candidate from the start (neither was Hillary), and I still think there are better people for the job, some of whom would never have a snowball's chance in hell of getting elected. The thing I'm really railing against here is the system.
What system? The system. We have a system in place in this country that we call "politics", but which is in truth a set of rules and regulations that any candidate must follow if he or she wants to be elected. These rules govern candidates' entire lives during a campaign, as they're required to spend every waking moment doing something presidential, or senatorial, or gubernatorial. And people haaaaate the system.
The problem is, you can't get elected without going through this hated system. Therefore, you inevitably end up becoming associated with and defined by this system, and as such any candidate, the longer he or she campaigns, is more hated as time goes on.
However, when these rules and regulations are in place, it makes it easier for people like McCain with zero qualifications to just play by all the rules and win the election. May the best actor win.
"Those who were for him from the start -- fanatic righties and warmongers -- didn't give a shit how much he knew. But everyone else -- including liberals -- actually feel kind of sorry for the old guy who can't think his way out of a dependent clause."
- Neil Greenberg
From the Chicago Tribune, 7/28/08:
"A study by the Center for Media and Public Affairs at George Mason University, which conservatives have always regarded as sympathetic, says the three broadcast networks have been more critical of Obama than of John McCain in their recent news coverage. Most of what the networks air is neutral, according to the study. But when reporters offer opinions, 72 percent of those about Obama are negative--compared to 57 percent for McCain."
From Gallup.com (conductors of the gold-standard Gallup Poll):
"The heavy coverage of the trip may have fueled speculation (or reinforced pre-existing attitudes) about news media bias in Obama's favor. A separate set of questions in the weekend poll asked Americans about their views of the news media's coverage of the two major-party candidates. Americans are more than twice as likely to say media coverage of Obama is unfairly positive as to say it is unfairly negative. For McCain, the opposite is true, with many more seeing coverage of him as unfairly negative than as unfairly positive."
The truth is, we haven't yet found a way to get the American people to base their opinions on facts, studies, legitimate proven methods. The media itself admits to having an anti-Obama bias, and yet people are convinced that McCain is getting the short end of the stick here.
The problem is quite obviously that sound bites work better than explanations. When Hannity and O'Reilly go on their radio shows and say "anti-McCain bias" sixty-four thousand times per show, it tends to sink in. Marketing officials do it the same way: it doesn't matter if the association you have in your mind with the product is bad, as long as when you walk into the supermarket there's a vague, subconscious familiarity with their product instead of their competitors.
The American people are now receiving the "vague, subconscious" treatment with McCain. Very few people could tell you his positions on any issue (beyond that he's PRO-WAR!!! GET SOME!!!), because the godawful truth is that he lacks any constant position on any issue. McCain is a true politician of the most American stripe -- no opinions except what the opinion polls indicate.
But there's a fatalist phenomenon in this country. If you're a McCain supporter and you have the unusual quality of being physically capable of hearing the criticisms against him and weighing them, you'll almost immediately realize the absurdity of his campaign. However, the response is most often, "Well, Obama is no better."
This is not a prObama piece. Obama was not my candidate from the start (neither was Hillary), and I still think there are better people for the job, some of whom would never have a snowball's chance in hell of getting elected. The thing I'm really railing against here is the system.
What system? The system. We have a system in place in this country that we call "politics", but which is in truth a set of rules and regulations that any candidate must follow if he or she wants to be elected. These rules govern candidates' entire lives during a campaign, as they're required to spend every waking moment doing something presidential, or senatorial, or gubernatorial. And people haaaaate the system.
The problem is, you can't get elected without going through this hated system. Therefore, you inevitably end up becoming associated with and defined by this system, and as such any candidate, the longer he or she campaigns, is more hated as time goes on.
However, when these rules and regulations are in place, it makes it easier for people like McCain with zero qualifications to just play by all the rules and win the election. May the best actor win.
"Those who were for him from the start -- fanatic righties and warmongers -- didn't give a shit how much he knew. But everyone else -- including liberals -- actually feel kind of sorry for the old guy who can't think his way out of a dependent clause."
- Neil Greenberg
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Human Rights Crisis in Italy
For those who aren't aware, right now Italy is undergoing a process of masquerading Nazi-era policies as beneficial for the whole population.
In the most recent elections held last spring, media conglom and two-time PM Silvio "I'm the wealthiest man in Italy" Berlusconi was elected again to the highest seat of government after the second Prodi government fell due to a corruption scandal that caused one of Prodi's key support groups to pull out, forcing a no-confidence vote in the Chamber of Deputies. On a related note, Prodi never played Jenga as a kid.
In a country where stability of government is valued over actual policy positions, it's not surprising that along with Berlusconi's success was the installment of Gianni Alemanno as Mayor of Rome, a victory for the Alleanza Nazionale party (National Alliance). Note: Alleanza Nazionale is little more than the latest incarnation of the Fascist Party, and Alemanno proudly wears the popular fascist symbol of a celtic cross around his neck wherever he goes.
So imagine my shock when they started going after the godless Roma (PC term for what we brashly call "gypsies"). One of Berlusconi's first acts in his third go at the PM-ship was to draft and begin institution of a fingerprinting policy for the Roma, which he later extended to the entire population amidst accusations that it was just a tad discriminatory. You can't blame him, though: who knew that rounding the homeless up in the streets and bringing them in to be fingerprinted might be construed as being targeted at a specific demographic?
This all coming on the heels of a whirlwind of violence against the Roma that would make the Corleone family blush. Less than a week past, two girls drowned swimming in the waters just off Naples. While certainly tragic, the real tragedy was the reaction of the sunbathing crowd on the beach, who barely batted an eyelash as the corpses were dragged onto the beach and then taken off in coffins.
Today, we hear about a Roma camp being set ablaze, and authorities harbor no illusions that one of the unfortunate members of the camp accidentally left the gas on before going to bed. These camps, for the record, are little more than refugee camps, but unlike many similar ones around the world, these camps are situated in the middle of major cities in a major industrialized country. Imagine if you could walk through the streets of DC and stumble across what looks like an impromptu campground with hundreds of inhabitants on the National Mall, many of them starving and diseased.
And all this in Italy, the land of wine and pasta and the Pope, where everyone has a scooter and a villa on Lake Como. Aren't fairy tales nice?
"Do it my way, make more money."
- Silvio Berlusconi, on how impoverished Italians should improve their situations
In the most recent elections held last spring, media conglom and two-time PM Silvio "I'm the wealthiest man in Italy" Berlusconi was elected again to the highest seat of government after the second Prodi government fell due to a corruption scandal that caused one of Prodi's key support groups to pull out, forcing a no-confidence vote in the Chamber of Deputies. On a related note, Prodi never played Jenga as a kid.
In a country where stability of government is valued over actual policy positions, it's not surprising that along with Berlusconi's success was the installment of Gianni Alemanno as Mayor of Rome, a victory for the Alleanza Nazionale party (National Alliance). Note: Alleanza Nazionale is little more than the latest incarnation of the Fascist Party, and Alemanno proudly wears the popular fascist symbol of a celtic cross around his neck wherever he goes.
So imagine my shock when they started going after the godless Roma (PC term for what we brashly call "gypsies"). One of Berlusconi's first acts in his third go at the PM-ship was to draft and begin institution of a fingerprinting policy for the Roma, which he later extended to the entire population amidst accusations that it was just a tad discriminatory. You can't blame him, though: who knew that rounding the homeless up in the streets and bringing them in to be fingerprinted might be construed as being targeted at a specific demographic?
This all coming on the heels of a whirlwind of violence against the Roma that would make the Corleone family blush. Less than a week past, two girls drowned swimming in the waters just off Naples. While certainly tragic, the real tragedy was the reaction of the sunbathing crowd on the beach, who barely batted an eyelash as the corpses were dragged onto the beach and then taken off in coffins.
Today, we hear about a Roma camp being set ablaze, and authorities harbor no illusions that one of the unfortunate members of the camp accidentally left the gas on before going to bed. These camps, for the record, are little more than refugee camps, but unlike many similar ones around the world, these camps are situated in the middle of major cities in a major industrialized country. Imagine if you could walk through the streets of DC and stumble across what looks like an impromptu campground with hundreds of inhabitants on the National Mall, many of them starving and diseased.
And all this in Italy, the land of wine and pasta and the Pope, where everyone has a scooter and a villa on Lake Como. Aren't fairy tales nice?
"Do it my way, make more money."
- Silvio Berlusconi, on how impoverished Italians should improve their situations
Monday, July 21, 2008
Headlines 7/21/2008
CNN: "Dollar slips; investors mull corporate results"
Nice to know someone's mulling it over, perhaps over a mug of joe while their minds wander around aimlessly, maybe every once in a while coming close to a thought about how fucked the people of this country are...
"The greatness of a country can, to a large degree, be measured. Here are some numbers. Infant mortality rate: America ranks 48th in the world. Overall health: 72nd. Freedom of the press: 44. Literacy: 55th...America is a debtor nation to Mexico. We're not on a bridge to the 21st century, we're on a bus to Atlantic City with a roll of quarters. And this is why it bugs me that so many people talk like it's 1955 and we're still #1 in everything. We're not, and I take no glee in saying this, because I love my country and I wish we were. But when you're #55 in this category and #92 in that one, you look a little silly waving the big foam #1 finger."
- Bill Maher
Nice to know someone's mulling it over, perhaps over a mug of joe while their minds wander around aimlessly, maybe every once in a while coming close to a thought about how fucked the people of this country are...
"The greatness of a country can, to a large degree, be measured. Here are some numbers. Infant mortality rate: America ranks 48th in the world. Overall health: 72nd. Freedom of the press: 44. Literacy: 55th...America is a debtor nation to Mexico. We're not on a bridge to the 21st century, we're on a bus to Atlantic City with a roll of quarters. And this is why it bugs me that so many people talk like it's 1955 and we're still #1 in everything. We're not, and I take no glee in saying this, because I love my country and I wish we were. But when you're #55 in this category and #92 in that one, you look a little silly waving the big foam #1 finger."
- Bill Maher
Why Society Doesn't Work
http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html
"The entire debate between the two major political parties in our country has devolved into an argument over just how quickly to dismantle the few remaining benefits of American middle-class existence -- immediately, if you ask the Republicans, and only slightly less immediately, if you ask the Democrats."
- Matt Taibbi
"The entire debate between the two major political parties in our country has devolved into an argument over just how quickly to dismantle the few remaining benefits of American middle-class existence -- immediately, if you ask the Republicans, and only slightly less immediately, if you ask the Democrats."
- Matt Taibbi
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Headlines 6/15/08
CBS - "Rogue Nations May Have Nuclear Blueprints"
rogue (adj.) - no longer obedient, belonging, or accepted and hence not controllable or answerable.
The nations referenced, Iran being the most prominent of the pack, are indeed undemocratic and unapologetically opposed to American foreign affairs in the Middle East. However, to call them "rogue" is disingenuous and indicates an imperialist perspective: Ahmadinejad has no obligation to be "obedient" to a dictatorial command attempting to force him to sacrifice measures of sovereignty. He also has no obligation to belong to or be accepted by any organization that is currently commanding him to dismantle his nuclear program. If he chooses, he can face the economic consequences that the West is capable of imposing.
rogue (adj.) - no longer obedient, belonging, or accepted and hence not controllable or answerable.
The nations referenced, Iran being the most prominent of the pack, are indeed undemocratic and unapologetically opposed to American foreign affairs in the Middle East. However, to call them "rogue" is disingenuous and indicates an imperialist perspective: Ahmadinejad has no obligation to be "obedient" to a dictatorial command attempting to force him to sacrifice measures of sovereignty. He also has no obligation to belong to or be accepted by any organization that is currently commanding him to dismantle his nuclear program. If he chooses, he can face the economic consequences that the West is capable of imposing.
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